can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
