I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
