my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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