Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize