when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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