This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
