Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
