lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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