Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize