First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
