my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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