the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
