I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
