well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
