Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
