so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
