We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
