i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize