chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
