me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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