you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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