I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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