It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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