I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize