Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
