Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think your dad took our porno
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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