I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i would one night stand the shit outta him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
