i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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