I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
