She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
