tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
