That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
