mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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