She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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