theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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