just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
