i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
