my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
