i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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