He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize