i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
