She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can't put those talents on a resume
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
