Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
