i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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