Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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