You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
