he shaved USA in his pubs
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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