pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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