I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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