I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
