Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
