He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
