Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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