Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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