At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
