i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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