But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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