The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
