Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
