I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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