my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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