I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize