u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
