can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize