I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
