The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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