I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
