I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
