You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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