Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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