how can u be prego again
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
