Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Holy sore nipples Batman
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
