Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
