When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
