we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
