were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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