You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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