I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
