Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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