you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize