I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
