Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think your dad took our porno
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
