he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
