i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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