I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
