Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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