I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
