i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
